Achieve your goals using my WTR technique
I’m proud of you for having set a goal for your marriage, that already makes you better than 80% of the husbands out there.
As I promised to help you become a better husband than you already are right now, I want to share one frequently overlooked aspect when we talk about goal setting – the risk part.
A basic goal usually comes with its action plan and target. A wise goal will come prepared knowing its top obstacles plus ways to remove these obstacles.
Have you seen friends or celebrities who had a grand wedding, and then live a miserable marriage life just few months after the wedding?
You see, it’s okay to have no Plan B for your garden wedding when it rained so heavily because you overlooked the weather forecast.
It’s also still okay to end up not showing your beautiful wedding montage because no one thought about duplicating the video file before your laptop crashed right before the reception dinner.
But it’s not okay to make that unwise decision of sending your wife away to pursue her dream without realizing that this decision is directly becoming an obstacle to your marriage goal of building a strong, loving marriage together.
It’s not okay to decide to buy that second house for the early bird offer, just to realize later that it’s using up your monthly saving allocated for having your first child soon.
So you see, if you have a goal, you’ve got to deal with the obstacle part – the risk part – because ANYTHING that can stop you from achieving your goal can be your risk. And that’s where my area of expertise comes in to help you.
As a Life Risk Specialist who has conducted over 436 hours of risk profiling sessions, and 7 years of writing for and working with young couples’ marriages and relationships, today I want to teach you one simple technique from my
Marriage Goal Retreat programme that can instantly make any of your goal 10X more achievable.
The WTR technique.
Whenever you think of a plan, no matter how excited you feel about it, ask “What’s the risk” (WTR).
One husband loves taking his wife outdoor for some light adventures like trekking and camping. His goal is obviously to have a happy, enjoyable adventure with his wife.
Now, try to brainstorm what can stop him from having this happy trip? Bad weather, traffic jam or car breaking down halfway, wife’s discomfort causing her to be grumpy, etc.
Had he thought of these possible risks earlier, he could have easily minimized these risks by choosing the right day with good weather, checking his car to make sure it’s well-maintained, choosing the less crowded route with beautiful scenery along the way, departing at a non-peak time, preparing his wife to wear comfortable shoes for the trekking, and bringing along the mosquito repellent to keep her from getting insect bites.
Can you see how asking yourself “What’s the risk” can easily help you to make plans that work way better?
Let me share another more advanced example, when you have to make decision from multiple choices that come with different risks.
My husband was offered an overseas project assignment as part of his career development plan. I was also working at that time. So he had 3 decisions to choose from:
Option I: To take the offer and go while I stay back to keep my job,
Option II: To take the offer and have me join him on unpaid leave,
And here are the risks of each decision:
Option III: To let go of the opportunity and we move on with our normal life.
Option I: We would not get to live together, only meeting maybe once in 3 months.
Option II: I would miss out on one whole year of career development opportunity and salary.
Everything can be risky to us when we don’t know what our goal is. So how to choose when all 3 options have their own risks? We refer back to our goal.
At that point of time, our goal was to live together to strengthen our marriage bond before having children.
Having a clarity of our goal helped us to instantly know which risk we wanted to avoid the most, and which risk we were willing to take, and then pick the decision that would work best for us.
We also prayed and sought God’s will, and we had peace when my husband later took the offer and I joined him abroad on an unpaid leave. It’s one of the greatest decisions we are both so grateful for.
So what’s your marriage goal for this year? What plan do you have in mind? What decision do you have to make now?
Once you have a clear goal, ask “What’s the risk,” and instantly make any of your goal 10X more achievable.
Remember, without a clear goal, everything becomes your risk, and you’ll be exhausted trying to reduce every risk without making much progress.
Option III: He would miss out on that overseas project development opportunity.
Stretch your generous giving in 3 levels
I admire your commitment to providing for your wife and your marriage.
I won’t be surprised that a faithful provider like you are also good at financial planning. You plan out how much from what you earn every month goes into the monthly bills, monthly loan repayments, investments and savings, groceries, pocket money for wife, gift for parents, and more.
I know that the pressure of carrying the financial burden is real for many husbands. While you would love to buy nice things for your wife, you need to make sure that what you earn is enough to feed your wife and children first.
Because of this pressure, many husbands unconsciously become very responsive to money in making most decisions.
Some have chosen to live apart from their wife to take a higher-paying job. Some have said hurtful things to their wife because she bought something expensive – without the ill intention to irresponsibly waste her husband’s hard-earned money.
In other words, many husbands have grown to make money their master without them realizing it, because they feel they should provide for their household, and that’s wise.
Today I want to share
3 practical levels you can stretch your giving according to your affordability, while taking good care of your family.
1. Be intentional in fulfilling the basic needs of your family.
Start with the needs of your wife and your children. I know it sounds stupid for me to mention the basic like food and shelter, but let me explain deeper on each of these.
You’re definitely already providing them with enough
food. But I can’t skip to highlight the importance of choosing healthier and safer food for your family.
You probably have wondered why the older generation generally lived longer and had better skin than our generation today despite us having the best skin care products, etc. The secret is in the food that they consumed.
We know almost all sickness comes from consuming the wrong food. Even in weight loss, studies showed that people got into better shape by just eating healthily without even exercising yet.
So with regards to food, your leadership comes in through the power of suggestion - when your wife asks what to cook, what grocery to stock up, or where to eat.
Be creative to make minor food swap. Love fish and chip? Try grilled fish and baked potato wedges. Always want ice-cream? Try to freeze up some low-fat yogurt (avoid zero fat, it is loaded with sugar) or ripe banana.
Try your best to encourage your family to avoid eating food that is deep-fried and high in bad cholesterol, reduce unnecessary sugar intake like desserts, and intentionally add more vegetable and fruit intake. If you can afford to go one-step ahead, choose the non-antibiotic meat or organic food.
Make these little changes right from the beginning when you’re stocking up food supply at the grocery store.
shelter, invest into providing a conducive place to rest and sleep well.
If your family finds it uncomfortable to sleep during a hot season, get a fan if you can’t afford an air-conditioner, or find ways to make the room airy.
Maintain and demonstrate a good sleeping cycle to your family – sleep early and wake up early, unless you have to work on night shift.
Keep your home peaceful and filled with love and joy. The last thing you want is to see your children shouting disrespectfully at your beloved wife because they grew up watching you shouting at her.
I’ll cover one more area under this family basic need –
quality time together.
Our giving isn’t just about money. Who needs a husband if her life remains lonely and on her own most of the time? People get married and build a family to cherish relationships and bonds together.
Unavoidably, many couples have to go through long-distance relationship at the beginning of their marriage. They look forward to spending time with each other, and pray every day that they get a job transfer to finally live together as husband and wife. But what happens when they finally get to settle down together? Many have taken each other for granted.
They spend more time on their smartphones than enjoying the moment they get to spend together. And little things trigger them to argue and quarrel. Only when they have to be apart from each other again that they remember how precious it is to be sleeping on the same bed and waking up seeing their spouse lying beside them.
If you want to provide for your family, never discount on the quality time together. You can earn back the money you've spent, but you can’t redeem the time you’ve lost.
Therefore, fulfil your family’s needs intentionally and generously.
2. Look around to find the poor and needy within your circle.
Once you’ve provided sufficiently for your family, it’s time to pay attention to those around you who have needs.
It may be your parents, your siblings, your wife’s family, relatives, or neighbors who are in real basic needs – not enough food to feed the family, no proper clothes to cover their body, walking around bare-footed, not having a shelter to cover them from rain and the hot sun, not having access to clean water or electricity, can’t afford to send their young children to school, being sick and having no one to look after them, in emergency need of financial aid to treat a critical illness, suspending a brilliant child’s tertiary education because of insufficient fund, etc.
If you see a need and you are able to help in any way – by giving your money or time or care, it’s time to give.
3. With discernment, receive the needy who comes to you for help.
In this last step, after you’ve taken good care of your family and your circle’s needs, be open and wise to receive the needy who comes to you for help.
If you have extra room in your house and someone you can trust needs a temporary shelter in your town, be hospitable. Because if God can bless you with a big house, He can also take it away and give it to this very person. But God gave it to you, so learn to share it with those in need.
Of course, doing this should not compromise any of the basic needs of your family. If someone who likes to throw party wants to stay in your house and you know his lifestyle will disturb your family’s peaceful sleep, you should discern wisely not to host him.
Or if someone wants to borrow money from you, and lending to him will affect your family’s basic financial needs like paying for your wife’s medical treatment or paying for your children’s tuition fee, you know it’s not wise to lend to others during that season of time.
Why am I sharing these 3 steps of stretching your generous giving? Because I have heard too many husbands feeling exhausted from the unending pursuit after more money, and thinking that by paying up all the bills and putting food on the table is what providing is all about.
I want to show you that there's more to providing, you have more than you know to give to the needy.
And did I mention that our God is faithful? We can give up everything we have out of love for God and His people, yet we can never outgive God.
Remember that our God is not a God who gives just enough; He is a God who gives abundantly.
Launch your wife’s passion beyond her dream using my PSC
What’s your wife's passion? What self-development dream does she have?
If you already clearly knew her up-to-date answers to these questions from your previous conversations with her, you’re seriously among the tiny percentage of husbands who spend enough quality time with their wife to learn about her passion and dream.
If you haven’t asked her about her passion and dream in the past 6 months, you’ve got to find a time to talk with her and ask her about these. She would love to share these with you – in great details if you show genuine attention to hear her out.
Okay, before you ever think, “Oh no, that’s gonna be a long, tiring listening exercise..” I want to show you something. If there’s only one person who cheers for her to pursue her passion, let it be you. If there’s someone known as her No.1 fan, let it be you.
Otherwise, would you rather let some random nice guy at her office to be the blessed one to hear this richly emotional story from her? I guarantee you, if she could choose to only share her passion and dream story with one person in this world, she would want it to be you if you would sincerely want to listen to her.
Just as how you feel the natural obligation to provide for your family as a husband, she feels the natural obligation to take care of your children as a mother. Many wives have had to sacrifice and let go of their passion and dream to either support their husband’s career growth or take care of their children.
A capable woman knows how to find her own strength and encouragement to pursue her passion and dream. But if you as her husband shows genuine interest to support her journey, you’ll immediate grab her admiration and respect.
So let me show you one of the techniques I teach in my marriage conference, called the
3-Step Passion Sponsor Cycle that you can apply to be on top of her mind when she thinks about her best coach and mentor - instead of that favorite boss or senior of hers that she always talks about.
1. Passion Discovery & Expansion
Consider her passion, ask her or find out more about it if you haven’t discovered it. Then think about all possible ways you can encourage her to expand what she loves doing.
If she has been painting, think about organizing an art exhibition for her artworks. It can be as simple as inviting friends and relatives to your home to see her artworks collection while hosting a simple meal. If she writes good articles, suggest to put her best articles together in a printed book, as gifts to family and friends, or even for sale!
2. The Follow-Up
Ask her how’s her day. If she’s working on a hobby or personal project, follow-up with her about her most exciting moment so far. By just listening to her, you can make her feel loved and cared for.
And if she does share her struggle or problem with you, don’t rush into helping her to find solution. Just focus on listening and understanding her deeper, only then you ask her if she needs your help to solve it.
3. Invest into Her Passion
Of course, she will appreciate every attention you give to support her in her passion – by listening to her sharing, encouraging her when she needs motivation to progress forward, giving her ideas, introducing her work to your friends, etc.
All these involvements are different ways you can sponsor her self-development. Sponsoring is never just about giving money, right? But when you’re willing to put in money to invest into her passion, you’re showing her your sponsorship and confidence in her at a whole new level.
By investing your hard-earned money into nurturing her passion, your action is telling her loud and clear that you’re serious about developing her further, and you trust her enough to do her best to ultimately harvest good fruits from the fund you invested into her passion pursuit.
If she aspires to be a speaker on her expert topics, enrol her into her selected course like Toast Masters Club to help her gain the certification credibility that she needs.
If she loves photography, buying her a good camera and investing in setting up a simple photoshoot studio would be great ideas for consideration.
If she bakes very well and would love to start a home-based baking business, getting her a bigger mixer and oven is some practical investment to consider.
The ways you can invest into her passion are limitless, so be creative and open to explore the options with her based on your budget. There are always innovative ways to optimize any size of fund to nurture a passion.
3-Step Passion Sponsor Cycle is so versatile you can use it as many rounds as you enjoy, or return to any specific step to try a different option if the first option didn’t work.
If you do these 3 steps even for just one cycle, you can already upgrade her respect and admiration for you, and multiply your importance in this very private area of her pursuit of passion.
Establish your emergency helpline (your 3 best options)
We are in an era that enjoys the convenience of Apple’s Siri, Google Assistant, and Amazon’s Alexa.
But one that can understand and guide you with your unique and surprising scenarios in marriage? That, you need to establish one for yourself.
Let me show you the 3 best options available for you.
1. The Word of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
A quick understanding before we move on: The Word of God is the Bible. The Holy Spirit is the spirit of God that has been sent to guide every individual who believes that Jesus Christ lived and died as a man for our sins, then victoriously rose from the death to return to heaven, and will be coming again to judge the world at its end.
Have you heard that the Bible has an answer to every problem you face?
We’ve tested that and here’s what we’ve got so far:
We did our detailed wedding planning using the Bible as our guide (YES, that’s how we got our inspiration of which wedding reception venue to pick, which beverage to serve, what wedding souvenirs to prepare, etc.).
We made a life-changing decision to live abroad for a season in our life, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit and through the peace from the Word of God in the Bible.
So what can you practically do when you need an emergency helpline?
Pray. I’m not kidding.
When I’m helpless, hopeless, fearful, sad or angry, I will talk with God. I can just freely pour out anything that I feel, and I know that He is able to handle my childishness, anger and even selfishness at times. Once you’re done telling God everything, don’t just ‘hang up the phone’ and say amen then move on with your life - make time to listen to God’s response to your prayer.
I haven’t heard God audibly in my life yet, but He always speaks to me through His Word in the Bible, through sermons and people. And of course, the more we obey the guidance of the Holy Spirit (like to cancel the thought of watching a porn movie together with your spouse), the clearer we’ll learn to listen to His guidance.
Ultimately, it’s obvious that you need to read the Bible and listen to good sermons.
2. Trustworthy accountability partner.
You may have your guys for those late-night drink and heart-to-heart talk, but not all of them can be your accountability partner.
The most effective accountability usually comes from someone who is more mature than you, someone who has gone through most of the struggles you are facing as a husband. He also has to be someone that you can comfortably be transparent with.
It’s been proven that when we have an accountability partner, we are more motivated to do the right thing.
So choose your accountability partner wisely. To identify one for yourself, you may consider your father, elder male relatives, Christian leaders or pastors.
3. Your ‘Super Siri’ on your unique marriage challenge.
Just so you know, besides seeking God’s Word and having an accountability partner, if you ever need additional help in your marriage journey as a couple together with your wife, I’ve got you covered with my
Breakthrough Check-in program.
This program is designed to help you dig into the effectiveness of whatever you have done so far towards achieving your latest marriage goal, guiding you to reflect if your efforts have been bringing you closer to your goals, and what needs to be fixed.
The idea is, if you ask Siri or Google Assistant for help on your specific marriage challenge, you will probably get "Sorry, I don't understand." as a reply. You won't get that at Faithful Salt Solutions, where I am committed to helping you discover your best solution to your problem at hand.
So don't hesitate to come to me, I look forward to hearing from you and your wife when you need me.
Even our marriage intimacy is a result of being intentionally obedient to the hard truth taught in the Bible, and countless help from the Holy Spirit to stay sexually pure for one another until this day. Some of our most successful business ideas were inspired by the Bible too!