Fortify your husbandhood foundation with these 2 things
Do you make time to have quality talk with God?
Some people think talking to God or praying beyond the 'meal prayer' is ridiculous because, how to talk to someone we can’t see and don’t even know if He’s even there, right?
But first, let’s see who God is and what role He plays in your life and your marriage.
1. Who invented the mysterious sperm-and-egg magic and brought you into creation?
2. Who sustains you and keeps you breathing right now?
3. Who commanded that a man be independent from his parents to build a new unit with a woman?
4. Who gave you the mandate to be the head of your marriage and lead your wife and children?
5. Who blessed you and your wife to be fruitful and increase in number?
When you pray to this same God, things in the spiritual world change.
Do you think a man struggles with pornography and masturbation because of himself?
Satan and his troop of demons work hard day and night to tempt him with all kinds of convenient images on ads and throughout the Internet, and lure him into believing the lies that:
every guy in the church masturbates too,
at least you are not touching any real woman,
you biologically need to release it,
By the way, the “Pornography and Masturbation Department” is not the devil’s only job scope. Marriage faces one of the fiercest attack among the other relationships in life.
Whether it's the regular significant disagreement between spouses, marital unfaithfulness, marriage life interference from family and friends, etc., marriage is the one most important relationship that sin loves to attack. Because once a marriage crumbles, the children, family and friends around get crumbled easily.
The good news is that, the opposite is also true - if the husband and wife are committed to guarding their marriage strongly together with love, that blessing and anointing from their marriage will also flow to the children, family and even friends.
Remember, the devil operates in the spiritual world, so you need to fight him in the spiritual world, and prayer is your greatest weapon.
When you earnestly pray to God, you move Him to do something about it in the spiritual world.
NO. 1, you need to be a prayerful husband to lead a deeply successful marriage.
Establish and maintain your direct connection with God – the source of your life, love, strength, wisdom, peace, joy, health, and even wealth.
But there’s one thing that can block your prayer from reaching God’s heart: Your UNFORGIVENESS towards your wife, or any grudge you collectively hold against her (
1 Peter 3:7,
And that brings us to
NO. 2: Humble yourself and choose to forgive your wife, for anything she has done or said that has hurt you since the beginning till now.
Until you have done these NO. 1 and NO. 2, your effort to be a great husband will NOT be effective to its fullness. If you don’t know where to start, here’s a simple prayer you can follow to speak to God with all your heart:
“Dear God, my heavenly Father, thank You for always forgiving me and loving me. I also thank You for blessing me with a wonderful wife. Help me to be truly humble to forgive her for every hurt she has caused me since I knew her. Help me to see her through Your loving eyes, and teach me to love and lead her according to Your will. Be my strength and my LORD, all the days of my life. May You be glorified through our marriage. In Jesus Christ’s name I ask and pray, amen.”
just do it you can always confess it on Sunday and be forgiven.
Enhance your irreplaceable ability as a man
A capable wife is a superwoman. She's good at almost everything. She can have smart conversations with you, inspire you with brilliant ideas in your projects, help you bring in extra income with her highly paid job or business, and most of the time she's also ever ready to step up and take charge if you ever react late to lead or make a decision.
That can be a real pressure to you as the husband, right? Let’s face it. Whoever brings in the money always has more say. It works the same way as when you were preparing for your wedding day. If your wedding were funded by your parents or your wife’s parents, they had most of the say in terms of who to invite, which reception venue to pick, etc. While if you were the one funding for your own wedding reception, you had a better say to make certain decisions.
I really appreciate that you were humble and honest enough to admit your financial struggle in providing for your family. So I want to help you to increase and enhance your masculinity in your wife’s eyes by 10X, by just being really good at manly things.
We women can try all we can to be good at anything, but on things that men are naturally good at, we can put in the same effort as men to learn and do them, and still yield less result than men. Why is it? Because men and women were created to be good at different things. It’s that simple.
So here are a list of 5 ideas you can consider to fully optimize your advantage as a man, and be the husband your wife adores and can’t live without.
1. Polish your driving skill and aim to be the safest driver she’s ever ridden with.
Whether you rise a motorcycle or drive a car or a lorry, always make sure you have a valid driving license with you all the time and that your vehicle is always well maintained.
And no matter how experienced you think you are in driving, always drive with all the good practices of a safe driver – carry your driving license with you, put on your seatbelt all the time and remind your passengers to do the same, use your signal lights timely even if there’s no vehicle in front or behind you, keep within the speed limit, never be reckless to speed pass a yellow traffic light or when overtaking other slower vehicles, be alert of your route and don’t switch lane last-minute just right before reaching the fork of the road, turn off your vehicle engine when you’re refuelling and don’t use your mobile phone at the petrol station, watch out for bumps and holes along the road – there are more safe practices than I could ever list out all here, but you get the point. Even if you are confident you can make a turn without using the signal light, use it for her and for other less confident road users.
By the way, driving safely doesn’t mean driving slowly. You can increase your speed while still keeping your passengers feel safe and comfy riding in your vehicle.
2. Pick up the basic repair skills for your household items.
The Internet is full of all forms of informative instruction to fix and repair basic household items like changing the burnt light bulb in the shower room, unclogging the clogged toilet bowl, repairing the broken pipe at the kitchen sink, re-wiring the short-circuited multi-plug extension code, etc., anything.
Just Google search or YouTube any of your question and get a step-by-step tutorial or demonstration to solve these minor problems with household items.
This basic manly skill is so crucial that I have one whole module in my
advanced programme Mr. UpGrade Elite 360° dedicated to just go deep into upgrading husbands to be so excellent in this survival skill. Of course, with the coaching of my husband who's an expert in this.
You see, it’s easy to say you don’t know how to fix the problem and just call up a plumber or an electrician, but it’s a whole different level of amazement to wow your wife by fixing these little things at home.
But be wise to discern when it’s necessary to hire a professional service provider to solve some big problem timely. You don’t want to risk fixing some wiring issue that you have no confidence about even after reading and watching tutorials online.
3. Be there for her when she’s afraid.
If she has to attend a funeral of a relative and she’s not comfortable going alone, make time to go with her and assure her there’s nothing to be afraid of.
If she has to go somewhere requiring a long drive through an unfamiliar road, help her find alternative to driving there alone on her own if you can’t be there for her, or make a reasonable arrangement for you to bring her there if it’s doable at your side.
If she’s going through a difficult season going in and out of the hospital for her sick parents, be there with her if it’s actually possible for you, because your presence can help her reduce so much pressure and emotional burden that she’s bearing alone.
4. Be confident to live your role as the husband.
You need to know that as a husband, you’re called to be her head, to lead her. Be proactive and wise in managing the overall finance of your household – your income as well as your wife’s income.
Figure out the reason you’re earning less – should you consider a better-paying job, are you underpaid, how you can negotiate for better pay, are you overspending, is there a way to reprioritize your household spending, etc.
Even if your wife is strong opinionated, if she insists on something you believe is not wise, be courageous to tell her that you disagree with her request or plan, and then respectfully explain your rationale. If you communicate openly, your wife will be understanding enough to accept your point of view.
5. Be her spiritual leader.
Worship starts from home. Be intentional to pick a meaningful Scripture of the Day from the Bible and invite her to meditate with you over it together.
You can start with our favorites:
1 Peter 4:8,
Jeremiah 29:11-13, and
As often as you can, invite her to pray together before you both sleep, for your marriage and family.
Here are some simple prayer points:
Thank God for the life, marriage and family He has blessed you with.
Forgiveness for each other.
Wisdom and strength for you to lead the marriage and family.
Wealth of love to love your wife.
Fruitfulness for both of you, children, provision, blessings.
Protection and health for your family.
You can invite her to church for worship, even when you both are travelling in a new place. Wake up early, lead her to say a simple prayer and even sing some simple praise songs while you are still at home before departing to church. This helps you to condition your hearts of worship.
Simple prayer points before going to church for worship:
Revelation of God’s will for your family.
Forgiveness for each other.
Some praise & worship songs to try:
A prepared heart to worship God together.
Achieve your goals using my WTR technique
I want to share one frequently overlooked aspect when we talk about goal setting – the risk part.
A basic goal usually comes with its action plan and target. A wise goal will come prepared knowing its top obstacles plus ways to remove these obstacles.
Have you seen friends or celebrities who had a grand wedding, and then live a miserable marriage life just few months after the wedding?
You see, it’s okay to have no Plan B for your garden wedding when it rained so heavily because you overlooked the weather forecast.
It’s also still okay to end up not showing your beautiful wedding montage because no one thought about duplicating the video file before your laptop crashed right before the reception dinner.
But it’s not okay to make that unwise decision of sending your wife away to pursue her dream without realizing that this decision is directly becoming an obstacle to your marriage goal of building a strong, loving marriage together.
It’s not okay to decide to buy that second house for the early bird offer, just to realize later that it’s using up your monthly saving allocated for having your first child soon.
So you see, if you have a goal, you’ve got to deal with the obstacle part – the risk part – because ANYTHING that can stop you from achieving your goal can be your risk. And that’s where my area of expertise comes in to help you.
As a Life Risk Specialist who has conducted over 436 hours of risk profiling sessions, and 7 years of writing for and working with young couples’ marriages and relationships, today I want to teach you one simple technique from my
Marriage Goal Retreat programme that can instantly make any of your goal 10X more achievable.
The WTR technique.
Whenever you think of a plan, no matter how excited you feel about it, ask “What’s the risk” (WTR).
One husband loves taking his wife outdoor for some light adventures like trekking and camping. His goal is obviously to have a happy, enjoyable adventure with his wife.
Now, try to brainstorm what can stop him from having this happy trip? Bad weather, traffic jam or car breaking down halfway, wife’s discomfort causing her to be grumpy, etc.
Had he thought of these possible risks earlier, he could have easily minimized these risks by choosing the right day with good weather, checking his car to make sure it’s well-maintained, choosing the less crowded route with beautiful scenery along the way, departing at a non-peak time, preparing his wife to wear comfortable shoes for the trekking, and bringing along the mosquito repellent to keep her from getting insect bites.
Can you see how asking yourself “What’s the risk” can easily help you to make plans that work way better?
Let me share another more advanced example, when you have to make decision from multiple choices that come with different risks.
My husband was offered an overseas project assignment as part of his career development plan. I was also working at that time. So he had 3 decisions to choose from:
Option I: To take the offer and go while I stay back to keep my job.
Option II: To take the offer and have me join him on unpaid leave.
And here are the risks of each decision:
Option III: To let go of the opportunity and we move on with our normal life.
Option I: We would not get to live together, only meeting maybe once in 3 months.
Option II: I would miss out on one whole year of career development opportunity and salary.
Everything can be risky to us when we don’t know what our goal is. So how to choose when all 3 options have their own risks? We refer back to our goal.
At that point of time, our goal was to live together to strengthen our marriage bond before having children.
Having a clarity of our goal helped us to instantly know which risk we wanted to avoid the most, and which risk we were willing to take, and then pick the decision that would work best for us.
We also prayed and sought God’s will, and we had peace when my husband later took the offer and I joined him abroad on an unpaid leave. It’s one of the greatest decisions we are both so grateful for.
So what’s your marriage goal for this year? What plan do you have in mind? What decision do you have to make now?
Once you have a clear goal, ask “What’s the risk,” and instantly make any of your goal 10X more achievable.
Remember, without a clear goal, everything becomes your risk, and you’ll be exhausted trying to reduce every risk without making much progress.
Option III: He would miss out on that overseas project development opportunity.
Establish your emergency helpline (your 3 best options)
We are in an era that enjoys the convenience of Apple’s Siri, Google Assistant, and Amazon’s Alexa.
But one that can understand and guide you with your unique and surprising scenarios in marriage? That, you need to establish one for yourself.
Let me show you the 3 best options available for you.
1. The Word of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
A quick understanding before we move on: The Word of God is the Bible. The Holy Spirit is the spirit of God that has been sent to guide every individual who believes that Jesus Christ lived and died as a man for our sins, then victoriously rose from the death to return to heaven, and will be coming again to judge the world at its end.
Have you heard that the Bible has an answer to every problem you face?
We’ve tested that and here’s what we’ve got so far:
We did our detailed wedding planning using the Bible as our guide (YES, that’s how we got our inspiration of which wedding reception venue to pick, which beverage to serve, what wedding souvenirs to prepare, etc.).
We made a life-changing decision to live abroad for a season in our life, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit and through the peace from the Word of God in the Bible.
So what can you practically do when you need an emergency helpline?
Pray. I’m not kidding.
When I’m helpless, hopeless, fearful, sad or angry, I will talk with God. I can just freely pour out anything that I feel, and I know that He is able to handle my childishness, anger and even selfishness at times.
Once you’re done telling God everything, don’t just ‘hang up the phone’ and say amen then move on with your life - make time to listen to God’s response to your prayer.
I haven’t heard God audibly in my life yet, but He always speaks to me through His Word in the Bible, through sermons and people. And of course, the more we obey the guidance of the Holy Spirit (like to cancel the thought of watching a porn movie together with your spouse), the clearer we’ll learn to listen to His guidance.
Ultimately, it’s obvious that you need to read the Bible and listen to good sermons.
2. Trustworthy accountability partner.
You may have your guys for those late-night drink and heart-to-heart talk, but not all of them can be your accountability partner.
The most effective accountability usually comes from someone who is more mature than you, someone who has gone through most of the struggles you are facing as a husband. He also has to be someone that you can comfortably be transparent with.
It’s been proven that when we have an accountability partner, we are more motivated to do the right thing.
So choose your accountability partner wisely. To identify one for yourself, you may consider your father, elder male relatives, Christian leaders or pastors.
3. Your ‘Super Siri’ on your unique marriage challenge.
Just so you know, besides seeking God’s Word and having an accountability partner, if you ever need additional help in your marriage journey as a couple together with your wife, I’ve got you covered with my
Breakthrough Check-in program.
This program is designed to help you dig into the effectiveness of whatever you have done so far towards achieving your latest marriage goal, guiding you to reflect if your efforts have been bringing you closer to your goals, and what needs to be fixed.
The idea is, if you ask Siri or Google Assistant for help on your specific marriage challenge, you will probably get "Sorry, I don't understand." as a reply. You won't get that at Faithful Salt Solutions, where I am committed to helping you discover your best solution to your problem at hand.
So don't hesitate to come to me, I look forward to hearing from you and your wife when you need me.
Even our marriage intimacy is a result of being intentionally obedient to the hard truth taught in the Bible, and countless help from the Holy Spirit to stay sexually pure for one another until this day. Some of our most successful business ideas were inspired by the Bible too!